Trying Hard To Survive In England Being Disabled & Failing

I have been trying my hardest to get by the last few years, but now it is much harder and I am struggling severely.

I have been blogging about my struggles for a few years and the last two have nearly killed me, literally from the cold and also lack of food.

For those that don’t know me, check out my about me and FAQ for detailed info and answers to all your questions.

Short version is that I am severely chronically ill with multiple conditions that leave me disabled, unable to work at all and stuck at home most of the time due to no money and bad health.

Short recap for those who are new:
I can’t work at all, and I worked for so long, longer than I should have. I worked part time instead of quitting and pushed myself until I couldn’t even make it to the bus stop anymore and the pain was unbearable.
I now live on a poverty income of just over £350 a month total income which is all I can get.
In fact working part time instead of quitting is partly why I live in poverty as I didn’t pay national insurance working part time, so I can’t get the money from ESA, only “credits only ESA” which is NI credits only, no money. Working punished me! (This is why Tories are not good for disabled people and I beg you not to vote Tory!)

I have no heating at all, even when it is -2c outside and 3c inside. I can’t afford to boost my heater for even 5 mins.

Today was -2c in the day time. Inside was 2c. And I can’t afford to boost the heat even for 5 mins.

I am almost £900 in energy debt and that is with no heating at all! The standing charges and high cost of energy just means I can’t afford any energy, so that means no heating at all! No matter how cold it is!
I am paying almost £200 a month in energy alone and that is with no heat at all! Part of it is down to how much debt there already is due to energy prices.

The house is cold due to being 2 foot thick solid stone walls which can’t be insulated.
Plus it is extra cold due to mould and damp from flooding, broken gutter for years and broken soakaway for years. The damp and mould makes it even colder than it is already! Unbearably cold and I mean unbearable. Surfaces are like touching ice. There was even ice on the walls in places where there is damp due to being wet and cold.

I can live here or I can live on the streets. I can’t do the streets again, especially not as a chronically ill and disabled person.

My fingers and toes have gone from being painful to being numb and unable to feel anything that alternates with severe pain. They went from white to pink and then to dark red and purple.
The doctor warned me that I could lose my fingers and toes if I didn’t try to keep them warm, but I have layers of clothes and gloves that aren’t helping as it is so extremely cold with no heating.

I looked into warm spaces which are places to keep warm for homeless and people struggling, but I can’t make it to them anyway due to their location.

I just want heat and more than a can of value beans a day as food. That is all!

I don’t want to suffer daily because this government doesn’t care about people like me.

I know that the vast majority don’t care, but I really don’t want to die from the cold due to having no money and I can’t work at all.

I haven’t updated my blog as much as the past, purely because how hard it is so type now due to pain from the cold and how bad it has made my chronic illnesses, but I am still very much struggling worse than ever.

I have:

  • No heating at all, no matter how cold it is (currently -2c outside and 2c inside)
  • 5 layers of clothes 3 pairs of socks, gloves, hat, dressing gown, wearable blanket, 3 blankets, 1 hot water bottle all day every day 365 days a year, even in summer as this house is cold.
  • 1 can of value baked beans or value spaghetti in a can as my only meal a day.
  • I have no breakfast, no lunch
  • I stay in bed just due to it being so cold even though it is so depressing with nothing to do there.

How you can help

As I say all the time, you don’t have to help but if you can, I would really appreciate it, or you could post sharing my site or something, asking for help.
Sharing is helping too!

ALL money earned goes on bills, food and heat if I can afford it.
I have 25p-30p a day for food which is one meal. The rest goes on bills.

All my links are on Linktree. I have Ko-Fi and Vibepay (UK) for donations and you can see any recent donations on Ko-Fi although I rarely get them, not that I ever expect any.
I also have a wish list on Amazon (fulfilled by Amazon only) with items for health, disability or heat.

Things you can do to help:

I have a whole list of ways you can help on my support me page, some free, some not.

Some people who go viral get instant help but I haven’t ever had people try to help me like that by making posts asking for help. I know one person once asked for help for me, but they didn’t have a big following so nothing happened, but I appreciated they tried!
So sharing really can help and it does help many others. Don’t expect it though, just suggesting what helps others.

I never expect any help and I have looked after myself since age 15 when I had to live alone and support myself. I worked hard all those years, but now the government won’t help and I can’t work so I either have to try to get help from kind people, even though it is very rare, I still have to try as there are no other options.

Government can’t help and I can’t work so I am trying to earn money by writing blog posts etc, but it doesn’t work as you can see.
I don’t earn anything from my blog and I do have a few ads, but I don’t have many as I know that people hate ads, but if you see an ad you like, click it and I can earn a few pence.
Other than that, my only hopes is for kind strangers to donate or share my posts asking for their audience to help.

I have been blogging for over 4 years on this blog, and in all that time things have gotten massively worse.

I have a JustGiving page where you can donate towards heating for myself. The goal amount is for a year and any donations I get, I use instantly for heat.

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